im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
