so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
