I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
