worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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