My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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