in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
