the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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