do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
