it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
