I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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