If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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