He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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