I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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