you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
