you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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