hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
