I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
