Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
