Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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