what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
