wakey wakey hands off snakey
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I wish they made helmets for livers.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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