you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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