Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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