guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
What a dumb baby whore.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
