The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
