her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
