we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
