I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
