We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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