it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
