Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
