PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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