Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
