You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
