i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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