lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
