The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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