I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
