my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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