there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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