Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
