Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
