I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
