You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
