Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
