Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
