Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
