Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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