i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
