guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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