I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
