I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
