she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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