you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
