I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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