I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
