I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
