i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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