I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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