how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
