Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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