okay pat passed out under dana's car
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
