Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
