My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
