Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
