You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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