wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
