This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
