Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
