R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The best revenge is premature balding
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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