just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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