I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
