I must be too annoying 4 u.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
