i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
