don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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