Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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